In a dreamworld

I am quite, quite sick right now. Sick enough that I am kind of having hallucinations so don't expect this post to be very cohesive or coherent (I just had to look up if those two words actually mean two different things). I've had a sore throat these past few days, ever since my trip to NYC, but I attributed it to the hookah bar we went to. It was Daylight Savings time so we decided to repeat everything we did at 1a.m. so we got another round of margaritas and another hookah. I sucked that think down. I used to smoke in high school but I kind of just got sick of it and quite my Freshman year of college but I still smoke occasionally. It satiates whatever desire I have left. Anyway, this sore throat has gotten worse and now I am achy with a general all over sick feeling. I don't own a thermometer but I'm gonna guess that I have a slight fever. Once I said that I felt sick out loud was when I started to feel worse. I acknowledged it and it just blew up. Like anything in life really. "To call each thing by its right name."

I guess that's why they say the first step in fixing a problem is admitting you have a problem. Once you admit it, you own it. It becomes a part of you and something you can't deny and only then can you begin to move on. For instance, I just told my parents yesterday about what is going on with me. Usually those would be the first people you would call but I was nervous. This is a big decision and I just wanted to make sure that I had everything all figured out before I unleashed it all on my parents. My best friend had to talk me into it to be quite honest and I'm glad she did. I could have held off on doing it for a long time. But it was killing me that they didn't know and here I am writing about it on my blog and telling everyone else but they were left in the dark. It went well, as well as it could go, for what it was but I feel so much better now that it's out there. Now everyone knows. I've owned up to it all over the place and now I just feel...peaceful. Now everyone knows who I am, at this point in my life. I've got the troops behind me now. 

Back to the hallucinations. I'm not on anything and I've never taken psychedelics so I'm not tripping or whatever. I'm not seeing people or other worlds...I just keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye. This worries me because this is Boston and mice exist so there's that but I'm pretty sure I would really know if there were 4 or 5 mice skittering all over the living room. I imagine I will have some pretty great fever dreams tonight. As long as they aren't like the nightmare I had last night where I was stuck in a cage with a bunch of other people and a woman came with a machete and threw it into the cage and hit some other person on the head. Or more specifically, right in the face. I don't watch scary movies and I'm scared of the ghost that I'm pretty sure lives in my apartment so it really pisses me off when I have a nightmare because I try to stay away from anything scary. I think that dreams have meaning but I don't even try to interpret these dreams. Their only purpose is to scare me in my sleep as far as I can tell.

I love dreams though, good ones that is. I'm a daydreamer. I'm never bored because I always have something going on inside of my head. I've gone on many mental vacations. My roommate hates commercials and will spend those few minutes switching between channels but I see that break in a program as "me time." I can occupy myself with a few images of me in a new job, or just imagining me at a friends place in Vermont. I've got a very active imagination. So eight hours of just laying in my comfy bed dreaming is awesome. It's what I should go do now considering how sick I feel and I can feel myself slowly getting worse but these late night talk shows aren't going to watch themselves.