Tornado Warning

I already have a blog on here but I got bored with it. It was focused on one theme so I felt a little smothered by it, like i had to conform to my own ideas. It was about luck and I haven't been feeling very lucky lately anyway and thinking about all my past luck only made me depressed. Or more depressed. So this blog will be like more of a mixed bag or whatever I feel like writing about. I would like to apologize in advance for the moody feel of this blog. All the usual stressors of life have gotten to me and I am drowning a bit. There are things that make me happy though. It's just harder to feel the effects these days.

There was a tornado warning in my town today. My brother sent me a text message from the next room to warn me. My dad came bounding up from the basement to exclaim how great it was that he was cleaning out the basement because we might have to seek refuge down there if the tornado comes. My sister and I just sat on the couch all excited that something would be happening in this tired little town of ours. I love crazy weather. Seeing the sky turn purple and green and hearing the rain coming down in panicked droves. Like it was just dying to escape from the clouds.

But I knew a tornado wouldn't come. I don't know if it's that adolescent idea of invincibility still hanging around or what because I wasn't worried at all. I knew a tornado wouldn't come. I knew something interesting wouldn't happen. My sister and I just sat waiting for it to at least rain. Do something. The sky eventually turned lavender and it rained for a while with some smatterings of lightning and thunder but nothing really cool or interesting happened. It's basically the story of my life.

I like to hype things up. Of course it's always silently. I don't like to let people know that I am freaking out so I keep it in my mind and carry it all in my shoulder muscles which results in a lot of grimacing. I think I keep these thoughts to myself because sometimes I'm not sure if they are logical or if I am blowing things out of proportion and I wouldn't want people to think I am being dramatic. I usually live my life with one foot in reality and the other in my own fantasy world. I never grew out of daydreaming and fantasizing so sometimes I need to ask myself if things are really as they appear. I'm like Russell Crowe playing John Nash in 'A Beautiful Mind' when after it has been made clear that he is schizophrenic he asks his pupil if the man standing before him to tell him that he has been nominated for a Nobel Prize is really there. He wants to know if someone else is seeing what he sees.

It usually turns out that I am just making a big deal out of something so I usually feel good about keeping these thoughts to myself. And I'm usually worrying about money, or homework or my general melancholy and it doesn't take a genius to figure out that if I got a job, stopped watching TV and started exercising and smiling more then I probably wouldn't have these crazy thoughts anymore. Then I could write about all of the amazing decisions I am making and what a great success my life is and that would be boring. It's all about the struggle right? I would want to know that someone feels as crappy and weird as me.

I think that's why people like tornado warnings. It makes us feel important to plan and watch the news and say with all seriousness, "we need to go down to the basement." It's why after a national disaster we can't help but watch the news for hours and soak in every drop of information. It helps us relate to others when we see that everyone else is sad, or angry or scared. It breaks up the monotony of our everyday lives. It kind of thrills us. More than anything it just gives us something to talk about.